OK. You're a die-hard Nintendo Gamer. You have guided Samus through countless kills, followed Mario from 2d to 3d and back again, and Super Smashed the crap out of everything you know how to. You have loudly debated the strengths of the GameCube over the elitist bleating of owners of PS2s and Xboxes, and defended Nintendo's choice to release the GBA-SP as sound response to a technological demand, instead of a marketing ploy.

But you have drawn a line in the sand, and it's time to cross over.

Pokemon Fire Red and Leaf Green have both gone platinum in Japan and are almost to their second million in sales. Ruby and Sapphire have sold a combined 5,072,174 copies, according to pokeschool.com's latest update. That means that there are, at the very least, 2,536,087 people playing Pokemon. So why do you think you're the only one?

For those of you who think Pokemon is just a silly cartoon show with feel-good plots and a bizarre lexicon of terms and phrases, maybe you should take another look. Pokemon is possibly the only game of its kind; a real-time RPG strategy game, with genuine benefits from both solo and multiplayer action. The game has incredible depth, for all of its external simplicity. The inessential activities such as changing your pocket monsters' diets for increased potential, growing berries, fixing up two Pokemon to mate, and hatching eggs give replay value to a game that seems very finite to outsiders.

This is a franchise whose intricacies run so deep that the strategy guides are almost entirely built as essential reference books -- the walkthroughs are secondary to the guides on all of the various aspects of Pokemon breeding and training. There is no exaggeration in the statement that Pokemon offers endless choices and variants. Sure, each of the little guys only knows four moves. But which four do you pick? Do you go completely offensive, or pick some healing moves as well? Maybe you just use blocking moves for one, so you can disable your opponents before pummeling them. And what method do you prefer? Pokemon can learn moves by leveling up, by being taught them, or by being born with them. Yup, breeding is also involved, and you pretty much need a chart to grasp the system. It's a deceivingly rich game engine. Of course, it is also cute, so I guess that makes it taboo. Mmm, taboo...

If all that seems daunting to you, know that Fire/Leaf will have a tutorial menu present throughout the games, helping you understand every aspect of the world of Pokemon.

With online play making its big boom, Nintendo gets a lot of guff for their stance on connectivity. Still, no franchise stands to shut down naysayers better than this one. Two GBAs, two carts, a link cable, and the whole game changes! Experiences can be shared (after linking up with my friend Shawn, I get news programs on my cart about his battles), Pokemon can be traded (and in some cases, you need to do this to make them evolve), and most importantly, battles can be had. After my first battle, I felt the need to really spend some time with my team, because the moves that will help you beat the game may be completely ineffectual against a human opponent. Moreover, Pokemon Colloseum on the GameCube explores the social potential - up to four players can connect their GBAs to a Gamecube to have a massive battle using their teams from the carts. I have been in this battle, people, it is sheer awesome and it will not be taunted. But there's no stealth meter or snipe mode, so maybe you want to hide this from all the girls who would think you're a wuss for playing THIS video game.

Fire Red and Leaf Green promise to bring back all the old characters from the first-ever games, released lo those 10 years ago. They also promise connectivity with both Colloseum and Ruby/Sapphire. As if that weren't enough, you get wicked-cool Wireless Adapters. That's right! All you bashful sadsacks can sit in a coffeehouse and pretend to not be linked up, beating each other to a pulp in a Pokebattle. No one ever has to know. They should, though. You cowards.

Pokemon is a massive, detailed, rewarding endeavor. It is both relaxing and exciting, and works well as a solo and social experience. It allows for multi-generational play, and pushes the envelope of connective technology. In short, it is fucking great.

In September, we will get the new editions. I want to see them out in force, haters be damned. And if I find out that you are hiding your new Pokemon carts for fear of being laughed at, I am going to make sure that you are publicly humiliated to a life-scarring extent. Then I will link up with you and show you the meaning of pwnag3.

Till then, Catch 'em All! Ecto out.

Paul Tabachneck