Home Brewed: The Weekly Recap

The Weekly Recap has returned. Same writer, different site, more attitude. I like the sound of that. For all of you who don't know me (which is probably quite a few) I am Allon Renfro aka NewLib and I am the writer of this piece of American legacy. Okay American legacy might be taking it a bit too far, but lets just say this series of literature will be adored by billions. Okay a few thousands. Okay me and my dog. Okay just my dog, but that is beside the point. The most important thing is I am back. Here is the deal. I go over all the topics I feel like going over. That's right if I don't want to talk about the latest breaking news, I won't talk about the latest breaking news. I will usually sum up the news basically including my opinion and a few responses that resemble something that in some third-world nations might be witty. So basically I am going to ask you to laugh at everything, because I can't even tell when I am trying to be funny and when I am trying to be serious. I mean I cried when the Virtual Boy died, because it took away my best chance at getting brain cancer. (Note to public: That is me being witty... I hope.) My opinions may or may not be conventional and might be controversial, so please send all your responses/death threats to allon@wiicafe.com. I want to feel like Hank Aaron before he broke Babe's homerun record and for this feeling to be accomplished I need YOUR help. Thank you very much and without further ado, onto the news. (I am so witty it hurts...

The Stamper Brothers are selling Rare to Microsoft. Scratch that. Nintendo is selling Rare to Microsoft. Rare will be making Perfect Dark 0 for the X-Box. Scratch that. Nintendo owns Perfect Dark so there shall be no Perfect Dark 0 for the X-Box. Scratch that. Nintendo is going to sell Perfect Dark to Microsoft so Rare can make Perfect Dark 0 for the X-Box. Scratch that. The media has no idea what is going on at Rare. I think I got it right with the last one. It seems the talk of the town has been Rare being sold to Microsoft. Even though none of the details have been finalized, it is assumed the deal will be announced at the X02 Conference. Here is the deal, I don't care. Rare has not made a good game since Jet Force Gemini and has not a made a game that has sold up to expectations since Goldeneye. Rare is quite possibly the most over-rated developer on the face of this planet and that includes Rockstar, which is a close second. Rare, these comments come straight from the bottom of my heart. Good riddance. All your good developers left for Free Radicals or Zoonami years ago. You have disappointed time after time after time after time. You lost my support long ago and to say I think Nintendo's money is best used in other places would be an understatement. If Nintendo sold you, good for them. Nintendo can use that money to make Retro Studios into the FPS powerhouse you were considered when you created Goldeneye and make Silicon Knights that much better. Also, before all of you start going off on how good Star Fox Adventures is going to be, remember one thing. EAD had a HUGE hand in making that game and I think if Star Fox Adventures is great, than all credit goes to EAD. Rare, I hope the X-Box owners enjoy your underwhelming games, which that waited years for, because of your countless delays. My experience with you has left a bad taste in my mouth. Actually it is kind of a limy taste, but still bad.

Capcom has announced what they will be showing at Tokyo Game Show and that includes a new game. Mega Man .EXE Transmission will be shown for the first time at the huge Japanese event and thus all you sad people who didn't buy a Game Boy Advance shall feel the warmth of the .EXE series in your living room. Mega Man has seen its share of ups and downs. Mega Man 4 is in my humble opinion, one of the greatest 2-D sidescrollers ever created. The Mega Man name started going downhill coincidentally right after it left SNES. Mega Man X after starting out well turned in to a pretty bad series which left a foul taste in many hard-core Mega Man fans' mouths. Yet Mega Man returned to greatness on the GBA when Capcom released the original Mega Man .EXE. All I got to say is Capcom you better not screw this up again or you are dead to me. That's right. You screw this game up and no more chocolate cookies for your developers. That should get them in gear...

Screw continuity, I say. Square has announced that they will show Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles at the Tokyo Game Show. The only reason I want to bring this up is so I can give my opinion on Crystal Chronicles' because I wasn't writing this column the week the game was announced. It's called the switching the subject to something I care about. I have a deep love for the Final Fantasy series. Scratch that. I have a deep love for the Final Fantasy series before Final Fantasy VII and VIII almost ruined it for me. Luckily, Final Fantasy IX was decent and Final Fantasy X, while not as good as the NES and SNES versions, was a step in the right direction. With the impending release of the game I affectionately (or not so affectionately) call "Final Square Bastardization I", known by some people as Final Fantasy 11, I need an RPG to play so I don't have to lower myself to buying that travesty of justice. You see no good RPG + Bad Final Fantasy = Make NewLib very destructive. Luckily for me and the local militia, Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles is coming out in Japan near the same time as "Final Square Bastardization I" is coming out in the states. Now I will probably not import, but just knowing deep down inside if the feeling of using a MK-47 on my neighbors ever rises I can quickly check out Amazon.com for the loving I need, makes me and probably the neighbors as well feel a lots after sleeping at night. Now this is all assuming Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles is good. If the before mentioned title is not good there shall be hell to pay. Though, I trust Square enough to give them the benefit of the doubt. Also while we are mentioning Square, I need to get a message across to a certain developer. Give me Vagrant Story 2 or I will cry. And go ballistic on the neighbors. Lives hang on your decisions, Square. Just remember that…

Now if that didn't scare all of you away, nothing will so on to our next topic. Nintendo is still claiming to be able to do the thing that no man on the Internet thinks they can do. Release Zelda in Japan before Christmas 2002. You see by doing this, that would mean Zelda would most likely come out in Early 2003 (or Late 2002 if we are lucky) and the Internet Gurus have said that to be impossible. Well the Internet Gurus I think are about to be wrong once again. Nintendo might be a little stupid at times, but they are not mentally retarded. They see releasing Zelda before the Christmas season in Japan as being imperative and it is. You see the new cel-shaded Legend of Zelda was made with the Japanese crowd in mind. Those crazy Japanese are licking their lips for this title. It has reached #1 on the Most Wanted List already. Mario didn't reach #1 until two weeks before it was released. There is still another three months until Zelda will be released in Japan. Three Months!! Let me put it to you this way. Nintendo Success In America: Metroid Prime :: Nintendo Success in Japan: Legend of Zelda. Also don't kid yourself, no mater how good old Link looks there are enough die-hard Zelda fans in the U.S. to make the title sell at least a good 1.5 million. Nintendo knows that even though Mario is the franchise, Metroid and Zelda are the keys to the GameCube's prolonged success. All that needs to be done is for both games to get the "Perfect Dark Treatment". Come on Nintendo, now that you are losing the financial baggage that Rare is, you got more than enough money to push the two titles that can put you over the top in the Console War with X-Box. Also, Nintendo don't try to be cute. I know when you are trying to be cute, but most of America still thinks Nintendo = Fluffy Pink Things. Well there is Kirby, but come on guys Kirby is da man.

Well unfortunately, this episode has to be cut short for the sole reason I will usually have an entire week to write this column; this time I had about two hours. That's right the people here at WiiCafé are ruthless taskmasters who want only the best and for some reason or another hired the ultimate slacker, me. Any feedback would be appreciated and I promise less talk about Rare next week and more talk about the Dolphins. By the way, When you talk Miami, you're talking Super Bowl. See ya on the flip side.

Allon Renfro