Carl: Welcome back to After Hours, where we stay up far too late and talk about random crap in an almost weekly thingamabob. This week: The rumor of new versions of next-generation game consoles to be unveiled and possibly released this year. Mr. Schraeder will start us off.

Matt: Well I am sure you've all heard the news going around, but if you haven't check out the January News Archives. We don't really know what's in store for us, but as a best guess I can only assume one of three possibilities. First would be a smaller, more portable GameCube, similar to the PSOne. If not that, than just something as simple as a whole batch of new Cube colors for you to choose from. The third, and probably least likely is a newer, better, more powerful Game Boy Advance. On the Xbox and PS2 front, I can only assume that they will be including TIVO-like TV recording services with a slight possibility of a new shape or size.

Dannielle: I can't say I'm all too enthusiastic about the idea of new designs for the current generation of consoles, but just because the idea doesn't excite me doesn't mean it won't pique the interest of others. People have been whining about the lack of colors for the GameCube since before its launch, especially considering the first unveilings of the Cube were complete with displays of many colors other than black and indigo. While the color issue isn't as big as a deal now is it was then, perhaps more colors would attract more buyers... who knows. It still strikes me as a sad reason to buy a console. I don't see the point of making the GameCube even smaller... it's already tiny, and it's already portable if you can be bothered to buy a portable screen for it. As for the other consoles, more technology and more capabilities always appeals to people, but it remains to see if increased capabilities would attract any more buyers. Maybe they'll make the Xbox smaller, but other than that, no one really complains about either console's design. In my opinion it's really just too early in the consoles' lives to start messing with their designs.

Kevin: I can't make head nor tail of this whole ordeal. The GameCube could become more portable, put it's pretty freakin' portable as it is now. I mean it has a handle. I figure they'll add DVD and music playback, but there isn't much else I can think of at this moment. Xbox needs serious redesigning, put really shouldn't have anything else added to it. Graphically it's fine, but it has lots of aesthetic problems. The PS2 needs a lot of work simply because it's underpowered, but changing that would make it a new system. If the PS2 would make minor changes (like it not catching fire) they would be better off. I think this whole idea is somewhat stupid, and a sneaky trick from all the companies to sell extra systems to us devotees. I think it's idiotic. The systems have been out for around 2 years or less (PS2 = older, Xbox and GCN = younger) and they are already trying to make them even more special. Quickly they are turning the console market into the PC Market. Unless they make some super-product and give some kind of refund or bonus to all of us who bought the old things, they can all kiss off.

Mike: I think this whole redesign is more of a concern on the parts of Sony and Microsoft, with Nintendo doing a token addition to let everyone know they're not sleeping. As Kevin has...vehemently...stated in the past, Siberian Snow Cones Inc. has a better sales record than Xbox. But, again, they think most of the problem lies in the system (which some does, I admit), but most of the problem lies with the games. Kevin hit the nail dead-on with Sony. They were the pioneers of this console generation, but the envelope has been pushed so far by the GameCube and Xbox that there's not a whole lot more it can do without putting out all-new hardware. Scoring early games off of the Lord of the Rings franchise and things like Tribes: Aerial Assault has helped, but it's not enough. Sony will more than likely jump-start the next generation before it does a good redesign.

Carl: Look, I don't know what's going on with this rumor, and, honestly, I don't much care. New colors? Big freakin' whoop. New design? I like my lunchbox, dammit. Portability? I don't want to play my Cube in the car, I need to pay more attention to the road as it is, I don't need to worry about if Fox is blasting Link on top of Peach's castle. And if it IS new consoles all-together, then I say screw you to the people that came up with this brilliant plan, I just bought this thing and was told it would last 8 years, now it's only lasting 2 if that? What's the point? Making a new console now, for ANY of the three major competitors would be just dumb and will hurt them in the long run.

Matt: I'm not sure if everyone really understands why Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft would do this. It's to attract more people to gaming, not get those who already have a new console to get another new one. Colors, TIVO, and portability all factor into making other people want a new console for yet another reason.

Kevin: All right. I still think it's dumb. I seriously don't think there should be new consoles. They have barely scratched the surface of these now, and they want to put out new ones? We have to remember, this is a business, and they all want to make money. Why should new gamers (most likely the John Q. Publics of the world) who only play casually get something better? They don't deserve it, we do!

Carl: But if they put out new consoles now, they'll be losing money, because the people that just bought the current ones aren't gonna go out and get whole new ones.

Matt: It's not about who "deserves" it Kevin, it's about selling more systems. It's just like the platinum Cube. I've been drooling over that thing since it came out…

Kevin: I know, believe me I know, but I know how stupid people are. They will start with the "I got the new one, I can put my wang in and it'll project it on the screen. I own j00." Giving John Q Public something bright and flashy was bad enough, so let's make sure to give them more buttons to push and extra things to break. I don't trust the common man to dress himself in the morning, let along comprehend videogames. Most people are like raccoons, and will go to the shiniest thing first.

Carl: We haven't even TOUCHED what the current consoles can do. Look at the original Gameboy, it was around 10 years, compare the graphics on Super Mario Land and Donkey Kong Land, it's astounding the difference that's there, which just proves that with enough time, any console can go past any expectation, which is WHY Miyamoto wants the Cube to last 8 years.

Matt: Carl, these changes will only make it last longer. Sure it's not anything truly special, but by adding slight changes every now and then Miyamoto and Nintendo can push it farther yet and to more people.

Carl: Yes, if the changes we're talking about are simply cosmetic, but there's always the off-chance that it's more than that.

Matt: I think the idea is just as dumb as you guys do, but this has happened ever since the NES. Remember the Top-loading NES and the second generation SNES? Sure with Sony and Microsoft it might be more then cosmetic, but Nintendo is not that stupid.

Kevin: Perhaps this was all part of Nintendo's "big plan" for an 8-year system. In case we forgot, Nintendo couldn't market themselves out of a paper bag at Cube launch.

Mike: We talk about new systems, I think it all lies on Sony. The Deuce is the Old Man of the trio, mind you. There's not a whole lot more that can be done with it all. If the Sony execs figure "Okay, this is tapped, moving on," and launch PS3, people will flock to it. It could just barely match what Xbox and Cube can do, but people will buy it like crack marinated in grain alcohol, simply because it's new and shiny. That, in turn, will force Microsoft to either call it quits (again, the poor sales record), or put out something new themselves. Sans quitting, the same for Nintendo.

Kevin: The Xbox needs to get re-done. It needs a facelift, tummy tuck, and buttocks injection. It's ugly as sin, and controls like a retarded donkey.

Carl: And how about this rumor of a new Gameboy? Do we really need a new Game Boy? Hell, did we really need the GBA?

Matt: I don't agree with a new Game Boy at all. There's no need for it, save for maybe adding a backlight.

Dannielle: Considering the overwhelming success of the GBA, I'd say it was a good decision... but putting out a new Game Boy now would be stupid. The Game Boy Advance hasn't even started its life as a console.

Matt: GBA was definitely a good decision, but where are the damn new Mario games? I already have all the ones that are out, and I don't even own a GBA! Enough with the ports already Nintendo, give me a reason to buy a Game Boy Advance. As of right now, the only game I want is Metroid Fusion. Thanks to the Game Boy Player I will have that, but I still won't have a reason to buy an actual GBA.

Carl: Exactly, the GBA is basically a porta-potty of an SNES, why should I buy something that I already own all the games for?

Dannielle: They don't need a new design for the GBA, or a new Game Boy, or anything hardware wise in the handheld universe. They need software for Game Boy Advance. That's it.

Kevin: The PS2 is outdated. It just can't keep up. But it keeps selling like hotcakes (partly do to the fact that it's poor build quality makes it break often). The PS2, out of everything needs aesthetic fixing the least. Xbox and GameCube need it, Xbox more so, but the Cube isn't perfect either. The GBA needs to have a slightly better screen (read: one that doesn't scratch when your eyes move).

Matt: Hell, you should see that thing fly off shelves. It sells better then Xbox, PS2, and GameCube combined at the Best Buy I work at.

Dannielle: Exactly -- releasing a new Game Boy now would just confuse people and impact the success of the money making machine that the GBA basically is.

Kevin: None of the systems are perfect, but if they feel like doing this, there will be the console-PC market now. That's what this is becoming. "Well, I can make Luigi's nose bounce a little more or I can make Master Chief's gun have more recoil, let's put out whole new systems."

Matt: I do kind of like the idea of a TIVO injected Xbox/PS2 though. A DVD player is not really needed as my household has several already, but TIVO? Being able to digitally tape TV shows on your new system is a pretty damn good idea.

Dannielle: I don't have a problem with aesthetic improvements to any of the consoles, I just don't want to see three designs in my local Wal-Mart at once. All it'll do is confuse people. "You mean this special looking PS2 doesn't play games that look like the Xbox?!" I can just see it now. It hurts my brain thinking about it.

Matt: Yeah, I fear the questions at Best Buy. "So what's so different about these two PS2's? Nothing? So why should I get it?" or the even better "I just bought this new PlayStation and it doesn’t do anything that my old one didn’t, give me my damn money back." You wouldn’t believe the times I get asked how far away a new console generation is. People are afraid to buy a system if they think something better will be out in six months. I can't imagine the confusion with a new look.

Dannielle: Yes! And considering what the majority of people who buy video games know about video games... that's probably going to happen a lot.

Carl: How would they plan on changing the look of the GameCube, anyway? The name kind of dictates how it looks..."Hey, it's a GameDodecahedron! Must be new or something!"

Dannielle: It'll just frustrate people, and a new color isn't going to make people who didn't care about a console before go "Look! It's BLUE now, I must have it!" If I'm to have any faith in this industry at all I have to at least believe people still buy consoles at least PARTIALLY for the games. Right?

Carl: You'd hope, Dannielle, but unless by "games" you mean mass market appeal, blood, and tits, then no.

Matt: I thought that about the PC industry too Dannielle, that is until that IMac came out. Now every PC manufacturer gives multiple options, because stupid people will choose which console looks better.

Mike: Faith schmaith. When people go to Best Buy and Pier 1 in the same trip, all is lost.

Dannielle: Still, a new color or design won't make the games have more blood, tits and general mass market appeal. People should at least know that much.

Kevin: Another point, and an important one, is what will the cost be for these "upgrades?" Would they cost more? It would seem pretty bloody likely. Why would people pay more money for something that has one extra device in it? They'll look at PS2 ver. 1.0, and look at PS2 ver. 2.1, and see "In this updated version you get a free wallet, the same not-stellar games, and it has a new shiny metallic blue shell."

Dannielle: Considering all three companies just got done making a big deal about prices dropping, it'd be pretty stupid to raise them again just for a new design.

Matt: My guess is that they will cost the same as consoles do now, and the current ones will drop in price.

Kevin: Logically, if they add things, the prices would go up. Product + extra cost + labor + overhead + marketing = price jump.

Carl: Note to Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft: Let's not turn this into the Sega Genesis generation and have eleventy billion useless add-ons, plskthx. Also, I want a Transformer for Christmas.

Matt: Christmas is over Carl, you missed it. Maybe for Easter?

Carl: Shut up, Schraeder.

Mike: You have limited supply on the new ones, meaning you'll rake in cash on them, and lower prices on the old models means you'll ship a few extra units.

Mike: Redesigns best benefit Microsoft and Sony. Microsoft because most building codes don't permit an XBox to be placed above ground level; Sony because, as Kevin pointed out, it has the high explosivity factor. Nintendo, if they're smart, will recognize that the Cube is fine for the moment, and play off the public's ravenous need for multicolored shiny things to boost their profit margin.

Matt: We've seen this type of thing for just about every console since the birth of the Top-loading NES, and will most likely continue to see it for every generation of consoles to come. It's a sad fact that all a company has to do to sell more systems is to give it a slightly new image and new paintjob, throw it out the door and rack up the money. Microsoft and Sony have the most reasons for a new update, from more "multimedia" features being integrated to some design flaws that both companies overlooked in their rush to shove the latest and greatest into the market. As for Nintendo, I couldn't care less what they do. As long as I don't see the Advanced Game Boy Advance or some annoying crap like that I'll be happy. I'm beginning to wonder if the "new GBA" rumors going around were all just about the Game Boy Player, but who's to say. All I know for sure, is that all three companies have something up their sleeves, and we'll be finding out what soon enough.

Kevin: I just don't understand the logic behind this move. I mean, I can see where they would sell more systems, but what good is having a pretty system if you don't have anything to play. Get working on games, you lazy bitches. Xbox has had a big heaping pile of nothing, and Cube looks only quasi-promising this year. PS2 has about 2 games, as precedence has made, for the upcoming year. I mean, really. Perhaps this is each respective company's cop-out of having a "Well, we shot our wad on Christmas 2002, what do we do now?" type year. The Cube is tiny, the Xbox is ugly, and the PS2 graphically and powerfully sucks the big one. I could deal with whole new consoles in 2005, but by Jove, an "upgraded" system in 2003? Give me a fucking break. It's beyond idiotic. I think all these people who came up with the ideas, I don't care who came up with them, should be drug out into the street and shot. Seriously. What's the point? To sell more systems to John Q Public and make more games like "Zapper" and "Ty The Tasmanian Tiger?" Oh, it is. I forgot, gamers don't really matter anymore; it's all about quantity over quality. Nintendo was the last stronghold in "just games," but it appears they are even going the American way and following the all mighty dollar to whatever depths it may lead to. Idiotic, I say, purely idiotic. "Let's see, how can we sell more systems?" "I know! Let's give it shiny color, and put a special limited edition, collector's edition penis on top of it for the people to sit on because we just screwed them royally."

Dannielle: I suppose the biggest problem I'm having with this whole concept is that it's so early in the lives of these consoles. In past generations, redesigns only came at the end of a console's lifespan, as a last ditch effort to get a few more sales before the death bell rang. I don't have a problem with improving a console's looks, but the fact is it's going to confuse the majority of people who buy games, and the few benefits don't make up for that. If it's going to raise the price, don't do it. I don't care if the damn thing is going to make my dinner, wash my clothes and wipe my ass for me -- nothing they could put in these things would justify that. It's way too early in this generation to be screwing with the consumer's minds just yet.

Carl: I think I've made myself pretty clear on what I think of this: I don't see the point, logic, or reason for any of this. Want to make a smaller Xbox, fine, whatever, make the PS2 less like a prop in a William Baldwin movie, whatever floats your boat, new Cube colors to appeal to all the idiots who didn't want to buy it when it looked, you know, normal, go for it, but I really don't see why any company would bother themselves with these trivialities. Sure, we've seen consoles get makeovers over the years, but nothing this quickly. And if it's new technology, well, I say go away and let me play my obviously inferior Metroids, Marios, and Zeldas. Maybe we'll get lucky and nothing will come of it and it'll fade into obscurity with Alicia Silverstone and Paulie Shore. And we could only be so lucky if Carrot Top went along with them all. If this comes to pass, though, these companies will be flinging more shit at us then a chimp with diarrhea, and seriously, do any of you like shit in your face from someone you thought was your friend? Well, that might work well with Dannielle's idea of it wiping your ass for you; maybe it'll wipe your face too. Get it together, people; we want games, not add-ons to play some games that may or may not come out sooner or later. Idiots. Ok, rant over, where’s the Tylenol?